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How Do You Respond To Insensitive Remarks?

A MyFibroTeam Member asked a question 💭
Spokane, WA

I have a friend who does not understand my fatigue level. She constantly is on the go and says "I only slept 2 (2-4 usually) hours last night" . The thing that upsets me is she says "just drink an energy drink" on a consistent basis. I've tried to explain it is not the same thing as just being "tired".

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle these scenarios?

Thanks in advance!

July 7, 2015
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Answer Summary

Members deeply understood the frustration of explaining chronic fatigue to friends who suggest quick fixes like energy drinks, with many... Read more

Members deeply understood the frustration of explaining chronic fatigue to friends who suggest quick fixes like energy drinks, with many sharing that they've stopped trying to educate unsupportive people and instead focus on relationships with those who genuinely care. Several members recommended practical strategies, including sharing the Spoon Theory, directing friends to read about fibromyalgia online, calmly stating that their fatigue requires rest rather than stimulants, or comparing it to having the flu every day. A recurring theme was the importance of setting boundaries, weeding out toxic relationships, conserving precious energy for supportive people, and accepting that unless someone has lived with chronic illness themselves, they may never fully understand.

A MyFibroTeam Member

Tell your "friend" that the tired you feel can't be fixed by an energy drink or a nap. Even if you slept 12 hours, you would wake up tired. Doctors say that a "normal" person would have to stay awake for at least 3 days straight, (without coffee and energy drinks) to feel the same level of exhaustion from chronic fatigue. Tell your friend, until she's willing to do that, and then try to function, she has no clue what she's talking about, and to shut the hell up. You do not have to be kind to un-supportive idiots.

July 8, 2015
A MyFibroTeam Member

I just state that things like exercise have the opposite effect on me. My tolerance for exercise is essentially nonexistent. I start walking slower and slower and have to rest. When "normal" people exercise they get stronger over time. I end up absolutely exhausted. I also explain that FM/ME is a systemic disease process that affects every system of the body. Would these people expect others with different diseases to do more than what they can? Our disease is not well understood by the public or many doctors and that's a huge PR problem.

July 7, 2015 (edited)
A MyFibroTeam Member

very politely tell her you wish an energy drink would fix it but it's a disease process, not a lack of sleep.

July 7, 2015
A MyFibroTeam Member

Just be honest without getting angry. This is a time to put yourself first. You know what you can and cannot do. Never push yourself because you will suffer for it later. I've learned this far too many times. I've pushed myself, trying to be "nice" because someone else wanted to do something and I didn't want to tell them I couldn't do that particular thing. Because of it, I ended up in extreme pain the next day, unable to do anything. Be kind to yourself and know your limits.

July 8, 2015
A MyFibroTeam Member

That is interesting that you say that because that is what I've been learning over the past 14 months of chronic pain. I'm learning to say no without explination. Or if you have to say you're "busy" or "have plans". They don't have to know it's with your couch and Netflix ;-)

That it's OK to take care of myself and be "selfish" about my health and well being. I'm learning to ask for help (so hard to do!). And so much more.

Thanks @A MyFibroTeam Member

July 8, 2015

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