Start by being grateful for the small things e.g I'm alive while someone else is taking their last breath.
I have fibro but fibro doesn't have me.
I am enough.
No is a complete sentence.
Repeat small positive quotes to yourself.

I hear you.
What gives you purpose will be the smallest of things. It will not be a Cataclysmic event.
When i was fighting a deadly cancer, i needed purpose to not get csught in the sorrowful victum role. I found ways to volunteer. I needed to step away from my situtation.
I had to get well in order to fullfill my commitments. Over the years I have served lunch to seniors, worked at the Ronald McDonald House, mucked out stalls for horses that worked with special needs children, and trained our dog so we could do hospital visitatations. It was a slow journey. My recovery was lenthy.
My second Epiphany was creativity reduces pain. Learn photograhy, paint a rock or sing a song. Whatever inspires you.

Hi my names Teresa. I've added you to my team so we can keep in touch. Along with suffering with pain I also have several mental health diagnoses. I have bipolar, depression, anxiety ADHD and PTSD. Before my meds I was really bad it was like walking through quick sand. I had no desire to do anything and felt useless and a burden on my family. It took yrs to find the right meds and doses before they got it right. Don't get me wrong it's not a cure but it has helped a lot. I still have my downs, ups and anxiety but not as severe. I also have seen a therapist for almost 3yrs now. He has been great and I'd be lost without him. I find putting on my headphones and blaring the music I've downloaded to help my mood and get up off the couch to do something around the house even if it's just doing the dishes. Seeing them done makes me feel better about myself and that I accomplished something. No matter how small. I also use a coloring app which has a wonderful group of people you get to know. I have over 3700 followers. Just coloring is therapeutic. Or I zone out watching Netflix, Amazon Prime, or Hulu. These are just small things I do. Otherwise when my husbands at work and daughter as school I'm home alone with no friends to talk to. That's why I love this sight. I've made so many knew friends that understand how I feel. I hope this helps a little. Hugs my dear friends.
Teresa

Hi. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I would not normally share on here what has given me hope and a purpose in life as I would hate for people to think I was been pushy. But you seem like you really do want to know the answers to life's big questions like why does God allow suffering if he cares for us and does he have a plan. The answers to those questions are what has helped me to keep going especially over the last year with the pandemic. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. I have included a link to a website that really helps me. The link will take you to an article asking if the bible can help us when we are depressed. But if you go to the home page after you can navigate the site and maybe get some of the vital answers you seek.

https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions...

I really do hope and pray you start to feel better soon.

Happiness cannot be found in other people . They are sometimes temporary . Happiness has to begin with yourself . I would seek professional help first . They will
guide you to many suggestions . If you like dogs and cats , sign up to be a foster with your shelter . Etc on and on . It sounds like they might suggest a rx . Keep moving .
I would recommend a wonderful app called Insight Timer which as the largest self help users of any . I like the live sessions but they also have recorded ones . There are 70,000 from which to choose . The guests are from all over the world . You can type in a question etc all facets of self help - sleep , yoga , meditation . Free