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A MyFibroTeam Member asked a question 💭
Helsinki, Finland

So, I've been with my wife for seventeen years (married for nine). Things have been tough before, but now they're bad--so bad we're even discussing going our separate ways.

I'm heartbroken by this, but the stress caused by rowing and the bad atmosphere at home are causing the pain to flare up. She just doesn't seem to get that I need space, and is causing things to get worse both in the relationship and my health by demanding that we do things her way.

I'm not too sure what to do. Has anyone been… read more

October 22, 2017
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Answer Summary

Members rallied around someone navigating the strain fibromyalgia placed on their 17-year marriage, with the overwhelming consensus being that... Read more

Members rallied around someone navigating the strain fibromyalgia placed on their 17-year marriage, with the overwhelming consensus being that couples counseling—even if pursued individually—is essential for breaking through the communication barriers and fear that chronic illness creates. Several members shared that bringing a spouse to medical appointments helps partners truly understand the invisible daily struggles, that individual therapy provides a safe space to process feelings openly, and thatControlOfInternal control issues often arise when both partners feel helpless in the face of unpredictable symptoms. A recurring theme was the importance of including partners in the illness journey as much as possible, fighting for the relationship when it feels worth saving, and leaning on community support during the darkest moments.

A MyFibroTeam Member

Thank you all.

@A MyFibroTeam Member My wife hasn't been coming to appointments with me due to work commitments, but she will come on Wednesday to my next appointment and is pushing for me to take some sick leave rather than travel to a conference on Thursday and Friday. It's good to know she still cares and intends to fight for me when I lack the strength to fight myself.

Also, it might give her perspective on what I'm going through, as words aren't enough sometimes. Say that I feel like I'm walking on broken glass and the muscles in my back are so tight they'll snap (typical symptoms for me when the weather turns cold) is hard to understand unless you've been through it.

We've called a counselor and should be able to start in the coming weeks.

Thanks to you all. Your kind words, excellent advice have given me the strength to carry on at a tough point. Gentle hugs to you all. 🤗

October 23, 2017 (edited)
A MyFibroTeam Member

Hugs, I am no expert darlin and sorry to hear of the pain both physical and emotional. Communication is key. Perhaps seeking council together., Even if she is not open to council, for your own peace find a confidant, a therapist or even pastor or priest. some one whom you can share this with. Express yourself in a loving manner. You can only control the way you express and react. Yes, yer body can be yer daily combatant. but you are strong. Remember, even in our dark we have the capacity to be the sunshine. Prayers of love and hope to both you and your wife.

October 22, 2017
A MyFibroTeam Member

I do got to counseling but he refuses. So I don’t know what to do at this point

October 23, 2017
A MyFibroTeam Member

Great post. Very well said. Like anything in marriage you must talk. I miss being close to my husband because he won’t talk about his problems

October 23, 2017
A MyFibroTeam Member

She's scared. Most people who encounter something they don't understand are. I know my fibro scares me and I know what's going on in my body. She loves you and has no idea what's going on in yours. I get the feeling from your post that you don't want to talk about it because that means facing it. She sees it as you pushing her away and is trying to control what she can.
I think this happens to most of us with the person we are closest to. My husband's way is to ignore it. If I try to talk to him about how a new symptom is he says "well just wait til you see the doctor."
Including her as much as possible so she feels less afraid of what might happen would probably help. Control is a big issue when we know we have lost it ourselves.

October 23, 2017

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