AprilMae, I haven't read all your posts, but I read enough to understand how unbearable your life seems. I know just where to begin. You have done NOTHING WRONG. You've been on fibro over a year. So you know it is safe to say anything here. And you know too that other people don't get it.

This type of illness frequently impacts relationships. You are not selfish at all. True love doesn't demand of you to have sex which is terribly painful and triggers more pain for some days after. He's unable to envision a pain that severe that sex is still ok. Those negative feelings are normal. I've been there. I'd say I'd like to try and when we got there, there was too much pain. He didn't get it either.

You have so many reasons to have pain. I'm so sorry for that. It all seems so out of control. That must be how you feel. I think I read that you've found a good pain specialist. Yes..no?

@A MyFibroTeam Member You've described the last years of my marriage of 31 years. He was fed up with my pain and yes, promises of sex. He enjoyed porn (his foreplay) and expected me to be ready and happy when we got into bed. We've been divorced 13 years and occasionally see each other at the grandsons' sports. He now has chronic pain and explained exhaustion and inability to only do something for more than 15 minutes. Welcome to my world buster. He's an alcoholic so it was a matter of time. Enough about that..old news.

Do have a local support group, for the pain. I attended and learned so much. Made good friends all along similar journeys. I don't think I read about family/friends support. I had the support group to reach out to. Also at the end of 2014 I rear--ended 2 cars 3 weeks apart. I figured after that I had passed out. Little to no damage to persons or vehicles. I was unable to drive for 10 months and have been fine with high sodium diet and a water retention pill to keep my blood pressure up.

I reached out to a friend. Both nurses working together in 2 different departments. I had worn my mom (86) out so I called her. We hadn't seen each other for a few years and it was like we had never been apart. So it it's possible to revive old friendships. She lugged me around for 8 months, invited me to goto her house every week to sew. I was crocheting then. They fed me before bring me back. I could list so many things she did for me.

This is probably long enough to read. I'd be happy to chat with you on a regular basis if you want. Very gentle hugs to you.

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A MyFibro...

April, I know many of us have had the same experience. My husband didn't understand the fatigue and pain I felt. It's not just that I didn't want to, like you I couldn't. Some of the meds we take decrease libido. At one point we were able to discuss it. I told him how often I would like to have sex and he was ok with it. He did;t understand that I couldn't always keep up my end of the bargain. My husband left because he was sick of my pain. I was pretty sick of it too. He remarried 10 years ago and now he has chronic pain. I told him welcome to my world. He can't do everything he wants to do and sometimes he can only do it for 15 minutes. It gives us common ground when we're at the kids' activities.

You are not selfish, but he is for wanting you to do something that hurts.

been there for many years. it was so hard because I was young to like you. and the meds I had to go on take away any interest in sex. puts on weight. He was patient but sorry to say after 30 yrs he had enough. and it hurt me so much but like you said being by yourself I did not have that pressure. I have friends that don't have FM and they have the same issues with being intament. one way or another. wish I had the answer. You can fake it to you make it but I felt even worse doing that. Please let me know how things are working out. its a tough subject.

My husband of almost 21 yrs is sensitive to all my needs, physical and emotional. At our age we both have sexual intimacy issues, but there are so many meaningful ways of exploring and finding ways to be intimate. I suggest joint appt. w/ your doctor and if you have one, your therapist. Keep a journal, if you can, regarding your feelings and needs and how you address them. This can help open up line of communication and dialogue between the two of you. Like substance abuse, chronic pain is something which affects not just the person who suffers from it, but any and all with whom they have a relationship. Honesty and communication are essential, though not easy. It's a process, not an event. Having read what others have replied, I see some great answers. That is what is so awesome about this community! God bless you!

It definitely took a toll on our sex life or even just the intimacy of being held we had a learning curve about weather fronts and compromises that had to be made