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A MyFibroTeam Member asked a question 💭
Ottawa, ON

I am literally making myself sick over a Friend's husbamd's 50th birthday party. It is this Saturday at their house which is just up the street. I am not friends with her husband, just her. I used to enjoy going out for coffee either a few times
per month in the evening before I got ill 3 years ago. She can be very pushy and is not understanding of my illness. I have tried to explain numerous times that evenings are not good for
me anymore, but she doesn't get it. If she texts me to ask me… read more

May 5, 2016
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Answer Summary

Members rallied around someone struggling with a pushy friend who didn't understand their chronic illness, overwhelmingly encouraging them to... Read more

Members rallied around someone struggling with a pushy friend who didn't understand their chronic illness, overwhelmingly encouraging them to prioritize their own health and skip a party that was causing severe anxiety. Several members shared that learning to say no without guilt has been essential to managing their conditions, with many describing how they've had to miss family events, set clear boundaries about their limited energy, and let go of friendships that demanded more than they could give. A recurring theme was that true friends will understand and accommodate chronic illness, and that people-pleasing at the expense of one's health only leads to worse flares and deeper exhaustion.

A MyFibroTeam Member

My friends usually don't understand because I hide it really well. But my fibro has gotten worse over the years and my flares happen more often. One friend I have had for 12 years saw a flare for the first time last week, and o have had fibro for 5 years. I felt so embarrassed because my boyfriend came over and I couldn't breath. His response was "man fibro is a bitch", and we just carried on. Those are the people you should keep around

May 5, 2016
A MyFibroTeam Member

Go have yourself a good weekend. Dont worry about the needy friend down the road. Perhaps its time she moves on. I wouldnt waste your time and energy too. When she asks you why you didnt come....just say I already told you i didnt feel well. Perhaps she catch on.

May 5, 2016
A MyFibroTeam Member

You need to take care of yourself first. If she is truly your friend, then she'll understand. Though it sounds to me like she's not willing to be understanding about anything. She sounds very self-centered.

May 5, 2016
A MyFibroTeam Member

I understand completely, saying no can be hard. It's also really hard to deal with people who don't get it. I personally already struggle with feeling like I must be imagining how bad my fibro is (even though I know I'm not) and sometimes someone not taking me seriously can make me doubt myself even more. But I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I've started to see that some people's opinions matter more than others. If someone is lacking the empathy to even try to understand what I'm struggling with, well, that tells me that they aren't someone worth worrying about. If they are so selfish that they can't be bothered to try, they aren't worth my energy, time or concern. It's ok not to like everyone and it's ok to have people not like us. Save your energy and emotions for the people you love and who treat you with love.

Good luck and gentle hugs to you!

May 5, 2016
A MyFibroTeam Member

Thank you all for your kind words. I know what I have to do. I will be sending her a message tomorrow to let her know I won't be attending. Part of the reason I am so sick is that I spent my life doing things to please others even when I didn't have the energy resources. I appreciate the reminder that it is okay to say no when you aren't up to it. I am ever to get better I have to change my mentality. It will most likely be awkward to tell her I can't go because she truly does not understand. She thinks I'm "lucky" to not be working. My 22 year old daughter talked to me and told me that this woman is a bully and does not care about me, only her own needs and that I would be better off without her if she doesn't get it. Sometimes I need to hear it's OK to put my own needs ahead of others.

May 5, 2016

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