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A MyFibroTeam Member asked a question 💭
Bournemouth, UK

I’m supposed to me going to a wedding today. My husband’s friend is getting married but I’ve never met her.

Fibromyalgia pain is quite bad today and I’m worried about making it worse.

I’m worried about how to tell my husband that I need to stay home - he has a tendency to make me feel guilty when I say no.

Any advice ASAP much appreciated!

September 20, 2019
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Answer Summary

Members rallied around someone struggling to tell their husband they needed to skip a wedding due to a fibromyalgia flare, with many... Read more

Members rallied around someone struggling to tell their husband they needed to skip a wedding due to a fibromyalgia flare, with many emphasizing that prioritizing health should never come with guilt and suggesting compromise solutions like attending only the ceremony or reception. Several members shared their own experiences with partners who made them feel guilty for canceling plans, with one noting how their symptoms improved significantly after leaving a relationship where they were pressured and called lazy during flares. A recurring theme was the importance of setting boundaries, communicating clearly about physical limitations, and recognizing that self-care is not selfish, with the community celebrating when the original poster found a middle ground that honored both her needs and her commitments.

A MyFibroTeam Member

One big thing to think about also is the expense for the bride and groom if it’s a big wedding and reception and they’ve paid for your meal? If so, I’d probably go to the wedding and dinner then ask your husband to take you home after and he can return. That way too, he will probably have met up with old friends then he can just join them when he returns. That way also you may not have to put your dog in daycare since it’s just a short period of time. If it’s out of town, I’d just say no definitely as that is way too much for you. Also, if he won’t agree to take you home, again I’d just say no then. And if your pain is off the charts bad, again I’d just say no and not worry what he says! I rarely accept invitations to anything now cause I never know how I’m going to feel and don’t want to put myself through all the anxiety that will then increase my pain! Good luck!

September 21, 2019
A MyFibroTeam Member

Ran into the same problem with my ex (notice EX lol) because if I didn't go he felt like I was making HIM look bad. Once I found that out- I got over the "guilties" quick-I quit struggling to go if I didn't feel like it that day, I'd just apologize that it made him feel bad and stay HOME (this is the same man that started calling my lazy for being stuck in bed during a flare) Pressure to go can make an already bad flare WORSE

September 20, 2019
A MyFibroTeam Member

Wow - thanks so much for all of your responses. It’s my first time posting here so wasn’t really sure what to expect.

I did compromise and went to the ceremony and briefly to the reception before heading home. Feeling very drained but i can take my time to restore today x

September 21, 2019
A MyFibroTeam Member

Thanks Gloria and my fibro symptoms are far less without him LOL

September 20, 2019
A MyFibroTeam Member

Compromise...Go to the ceremony and ask him to drop you home straight after...or vice versa

September 20, 2019 (edited)

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