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How Do You Get Your Partner/husband To Understand Fibromyalgia?
A MyFibroTeam Member asked a question 💭

My fiancé won't likely read any articles I try to show him but I'm desperate for him to understand Fibromyalgia along with other health issues relating to Fibromyalgia. I worry our relationship won't last if he doesn't know about what I'm dealing with physically and mentally. Do I just pretend to be normal the best I can and try not to show I am sick? That's a lot to ask. I don't know if I'm strong enough. What do you ladies do? He won't join this site. He thinks it's just a bunch of "misery… read more

posted December 17, 2018
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A MyFibroTeam Member

I think I can safely say we all feel this to some degree or another. My husband is very supportive and helps me quite a bit but NO ONE who doesn’t have this understands! And really- how could they? How could they understand that every move you make hurts or that the something new every day/week isn’t all in your head? How could they understand that a person who used to bake tons of cookies and be on her feet all the time can hardly do a simple task now without becoming absolutely exhausted?! It barely makes sense to me so I can’t expect someone else to get it either. My in laws are clueless but coming around a little bit more as I post things on FB etc. But whether he understands or not, the important part is loving you through it and if you don’t feel that love and support and the desire to understand then does he love you truly? Is it conditional? I would be asking myself those questions I guess. My husband doesn’t understand why the lightest touch can send me through the roof in pain, but he accepts it and tries to be even gentler the next time. It’s things like that that show me he loves me deeply even though he can’t possibly understand it. Does that make sense? I feel like I rambled but you need unconditional love and support. It’s so important in this journey because Fibro isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

posted December 17, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

Hi, honey the way your talking about how you are going to compromise because of his unwillingness and I'm sorry to say his ignorance to just understand your symptoms and your feelings. Your chances of getting better are very slim, it's just a matter of getting the right medication and knowledge, and a good doctor. Most of all you need your partner to be in the know. You don't want him to know so he can give you sympathy and carrying you around. You just need him to understand.. Don't hate me for saying, but from what you said, he doesn't sound very nice. If you love someone, that means fit or sick. Or at the very least be a strong shoulder. xx

posted December 17, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

I gave up expecting loved ones and friends to understand.Which for me was a good thing.I focused on me..and what I needed to do for me, to make me feel better.I allowed myself to rest more often,,even if its for a hour or a half hour so the pain will go down,,I use the electric blanket,,when I am sore,,I leave it on the couch..,,it helps bigtime,,then I can get back to what I was doing ,,with less pain.Seems people can not understand Fibromyalgia..and what it is like to live with it.The ones who really understand are the ones who have Fibromyalgia.Seems in life,you have to have the experience,,before you can have true understanding..If you can allow yourself more quiet time..rest time..your time alone..and rest ,,your symptoms will go down,,it helps to share this with your loved one,,I tell my partner,,I am going to rest now,,so you go and have fun,,and then I feel alot better when he comes home..I can greet him with a smile :)..Also I can really hear what he is saying,,because I am not so tired my brain shuts down,,so it can be a win win,,when you get what you want and need and so does he...gentle hugs your way,

posted December 17, 2018 (edited)
A MyFibroTeam Member

I wish I had a good answer for you. I think anyone who is impacted by a chronic illness can have issues but your fiancé is right. As much as this site does a lot of good for people to at least know you have support, it is a constant reminder of what you're already going through on a daily basis. My therapist calls it reassurance seeking behavior. I have a lot of health anxiety so I come on here often just to see if people are going through what I am going through because that makes me at least feel a little better knowing Im not alone but at the same time, it makes me sad because I don't want anyone to have any of these issues.

I started my work vacation this week and I am going to try and go to a heated pool and do some laps or anything to really get my mind off of my focus. A friend of mine on here told me something not too long ago and she was totally right. She said she's let FMS own her for too long and she has to take control of her life again. I agree to a certain extent. I've let FMS own me for an entire year. It's taken me away from my kids, my job and my spouse. Im not saying it can all be just wrapped up in a neat little bow and forgotten about but the reality is, I've had every test under the sun and unless these amazing doctors are all just plain stupid, then I have to accept at some point that I may always feel chronically unwell and start making plans for how I can change what I can change.

Like my diet, like stop drinking alcohol, do mild exercise, avoid stress, don't feel guilty about resting on my vacation, trying not to overthink things, etc. I know you've mentioned on here that you had a horrible reaction to Cymbalta. I am on a low dose (I only take on of the pills inside the lowest dose). I have to say, I think it has helped my mood but know this, there are studies out there that link FMS to people who have autoimmunity to serotonin.. You should look it up. It could be that the Cymbalta was creating more serotonin in your body and your body was attacking it or doing something to it to where it wasn't processing properly in your system.

The truth is, in our lifetimes we may never know. Im sorry your SO is not more supportive. I go through the same thing. But I am sure it's hard on them as well. My husband is far from perfect and probably about the most apathetic person I've ever met but he married one person who is totally different now (me). I've lost my vibrancy, and joy for a lot of things. I was such a go getter and always happy and silly and so driven. Now I spend most of my time terrified that the doctors missed something and Im dying and it just hasn't been found yet.

So I am sure living that way has taken a toll on my husband as well

posted December 17, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

I hate to tell you this but my ex-husband was the same way! He behavior didn't get better, it worsened as time went by till he wanted a divorce.
You can't drag a horse to water & make it drink!!
If you feel the relationship is worth saving seek counseling & have him attend your Dr office visits.
He just did NOT want to hear it!
I will pray for you but I don't believe you are in the most healthy relationship for you.
His denial adds stress & makes you worse!
Sorry sweetheart 💖 but I believe honesty is the best policy. Sorry if I have made you sad but please understand that I am thinking of YOU!!
Love Annie 💖 😇💖 🌼🍀

posted December 17, 2018

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