I am a 28 year old female who has had FM symptoms since I was 21. I also have chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety and depression. I just recently got married and my husband and I have talked about having kids. My husband seems to bring up the topic quite often. I always imagined my life with children but now that I have FM the idea seems so far from my capacities. I am exhausted all the time and in pain. I am mostly concerned with the lack of sleep that… read more
Hey there. Its going to be alright. I was exactly where you are right now last year. I worried for years what I should do verses what I could do. I decided to not have children. I know deep down I am barely able to take care of myself with this horrible condition and to add a baby to the equation would be too much for me. At the time my husband thought he would be fine without kids. Turns out he wasnt. We divorced due to me being sick. Make sure you and your husband are open and honest. Do not do anything that you feel uncomfortable with for someone else. It can and wilk backfire on you. My doctors told me I would have to get off Tramadol. It would harm the fetus if I were to get pregnant. But they said vicodin was ok. GO FIGURE. They just would have to ween off in third trimester before baby was born so it wouldnt go through withdrawels. That didnt sit well nor sound right to me. Do your research. Make the best decision for you. And know that fibro is considered gentic. You may pass it on. This was one ofbthe hardest decisions in my life to make. I understant completely where you are at. And you are right to be concerned about how you will manage with a newborn. It is tremendously difficult on women with no health issues. People say its worth every second. I had to get real with myself and figure out if it would be worth it for me. No one knows but you. My heart and prayers go out to you abd your husband. Its a very hard thing to decide. Good luck.
First let me congratulate you on your marriage!! I am 48 and have had symptoms since I was a kid. I had my first child at 29 and most of the pain went away during my pregnancy even though I was going through a very traumatic situation the whole time. When she was 2 I was officially diagnosed but had a new situation and some help came with that. I had my 2nd child when I was 35 and that pregnancy was harder (normal pregnancy stuff) but this time was a boy and every pregnancy is different. I can not imagine not having my children. My daughter (now 18) is my biggest supporter. I would say this....first you need to talk to your docs (both pcp and gyno) and make sure whatever meds you take are safe. Second..... pregnancy can either make FMS better or worse and you won't know until you are pregnant. If you have always pictured yourself a mom do not let this stop you. Especially if you have help. Third....get yourself as healthy as you can first if you want to get pregnant. Sleep is crucial. Figure out what works best for you. A certain medication or routine like meditation before bed, etc. Healthy eating and exercise are also key. Sit and have a very real and candid conversation with your husband. He needs to understand that there will be plenty of times that he will have to help with taking care of a baby. He will loose sleep too. But also know that not all babies cry all night long. Yours may sleep thru the night from day 1. Best of luck and have a happy marriage!!
I have to say that both of you are absolutely correct. You must and should do what is right for you. If you do this just to please your husband, it may become a sore point later on and that is never good. From my own experience, I can tell you that even exhausted and in pain and crying my eyes out, when my baby girl needed me I went. But that was because "I" chose to have her. So, it did not matter what you may be feeling, if you do decide that you truly want to have children, your motherly instincts will kick in more times than not.
And if you decide not, do not let anyone tell you you are somehow less of a woman. It is your life, your chose, your decision.
Whichever way you go, it will be the right one
Good luck to you both, you have a lot to discuss.
Thank you for your reply @A MyFibroTeam Member. I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. That is something that also weighs on my mind. I empathize with my husband for having to deal with me. It's not very fun having a partner who is tired and in pain all the time. I have discussed with him a few times now about the difficulties of me having children. Mostly because I need it to sink in for him that if we choose to have a child he will be doing a lot of the work himself. I won't be able to get up during the night as much as a normal parent. I also won't be able to watch the children as much as I want to. Pregnancy itself is also scary to me. Whether I choose to go off of my medication and somehow suffer through or stay on it and pray it does not have any ill effects to the baby. Luckily I have an understanding doctor. She basically told me it would be fine to stay on the tramadol and Cymbalta if going off of it is going to cause more harm than good to the fetus. She did say however that it is good to lower the dosage as much as I can tollerate for the first 3 months as that is when the most brain development occurs. My younger sister just recently had a baby. I am so very excited to have a nephew to spoil. But I think that is why a lot of this talk about having kids has started. That and it seems like everyone keeps asking us "when are you having kids?" Ugh it's exhausting and difficult to explain to someone that it's not an easy question to answer when you have FM.