Every time my hubby and I have sex( which is maybe every 2weeks) I experience severe muscle pain and fatigue for several days afterward. It's to the point that I don't want to participate because I know the pain will follow! I guess it's from tightening all my muscles during the activity ? I want to be intimate with my hubby again with out fear.....
On a related note, my meds interfere with libido. I want to keep my husband happy, so we find other ways to be intimate besides just intercourse. Its less strain on my body, his sexual needs are met, and both of our emotional/closeness needs are met. Of course cuddling before and after is required (firm touch, massage, using his arms/legs to provide deep pressure on my body like a weighted blanket...all soothing for me).
We also use a check in system...scale of 1-10 how does my pain/health level compare to his need/arousal level. If mine is 8 and his is 3, we opt for a bowl of popcorn and a movie.
The way I cope is to hold certain beliefs. First, I remind myself how much sexual pleasure RELIEVES my pain. Second, when I have that particular kind of pain, I remind myself how it is a VERY GOOD KIND of pain. And, then I feel grateful for having the experience to participate in building and strengthening a VERY IMPORTANT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP, vital to my well-being.
As you know, any activity which cases physical strain, even pleasureable ones, can set us back. Maybe try incorporating massage which may help you then and later and add to your pleasure. Try to be creative and explain to him what alternatives may work better for you. Since sex is more of a mental thing than people realize, incorporating creativity may go a long way towards resolving some of the difficulties you experience. I don't want to be graphic but if you use your imagination I am sure you and your husband will be able to come up with activities which are more mental and less physical. Open communication will help things along.
Okay, so hanging from chandeliers and stripper poles are out of the question, but there are ways to reduce the aches and pains. Find positions that benefit you both, ones that don't require being tied in knots. Use massage as a fore play to help get in the mood, and also relax those muscles as someone else stated. But, try initiating when you are on a "better" pain day. Most husbands don't mind the woman initiating, but also, if you are in a better place pain wise, it might put you in a better place emotionally for the act of intimacy. Your fear of pain is making you reluctant which is a spiral down to it's never going to happen just in case. Once you find that balance, both you and your husband will be reaping the benefits. Gentle hugs. Xx
I use to take a couple of extra strength Tylenol 1/2 hour before having sex with my husband. Doesn't sound too spontaneous but we made a date for our intimacy so I could prepare and not tense up at the thought of the pain from not being prepared with some type of painkillers. Usually they make me drouzy and also helped me sleep after. Use meditation, oils, massage. Anything at all to relax your body. Hope this helps. Gentle hugs.