How about just sending a thank you note written from the heart? I used to do that as a supervisor when I noticed something the staff did that went "beyond" normal. They really appreciated it. Do you have a garden that you could cut some flowers? or roadside bouquets are also nice and appreciated.

What you have to remember is how good it feels to help someone. Then you have to realize that helping you is making others feel good so you are teaching them that doing things for others is good and makes them feel good. It's a winning combination. That said I still have a hard time asking for help and try to do things on my own too. My family have figured that out and now just help me without me asking. When my sister and brothers and their spouses came to visit, you could just see the excitement in the guys faces because they knew they would get to do things instead of just sitting and visiting. They even got to go to Menards for supplies. Their wives were happy too. Everyone had a good time and I got a bunch of things fixed. Great visit.

I mail love letters to my husband here at the house or to his work. I also massage his hands and feet. It's easier on my hands and doesn't require physical exertion.

It sounds like it to me that you are a very loving and giving person and your family is very lucky to have you. On your good days, it already seems like you are contributing and doing things that show your loved ones you are thankful for all that they do. But on your bad days, it's ok to give yourself a break and concentrate on feeling better. It's not selfish. You are doing your part by giving your loved ones the best possible you for that day. Something you can do that will take no energy on your bad days, but yet shows a lot of love is writing little notes and leaving them to be found throughout the day or week. I think you know how great it feels to read the words of someone you love expressing gratitude and love.
And just so you know, there is nothing 'small' about anything that you are doing to show love. You are a warrior! Never forget that!

I feel guilty every day. don't have an answer but would sure liek to hear one. I understand what you are saying and going through hugs.