It's so easy to become an illness bore, we don't realise we're doing it but allow it to take over everything. It's also very easy to constantly turn down invitations from the fear of the struggle, from the fear of having to ask for help. If your friends love you and care for you then let them help you to get out and about. BUT this is the important bit, when you are with your friends Fibro must stay off the menu, if your friends want to go for a ten mile hike then obviously for most of us that's off the menu, but a meal out or a meet up for a few drinks and a chat some days we can manage. Or just a plain old phone call. One of my dearest friends was honest enough to tell me this cold hard truth. "I know your ill, I understand that, but your allowing it to take over your life, for a few hours can you not just park it and have a good old fashioned laugh, I will always help you, will always love but I'll be damned if I'm going to let YOU disappear. "
Best advice and telling off I've ever received.

Hi Jim,
Yes I'm a loner too, we have friends that are mostly my husband's but I find it difficult to connect 1:1 especially now with FM and CFS. Last winter I had totally withdrawn from everyone and slept most of the time. My doctor actually mentioned a group for chronic pain ( 6 week class) and I have met new friends through this that can relate, though difficult to make arrangements as it depends on how we are both feeling. Lately My doctor started reducing my cymbalta as it was not helping with my mood but as I was on full dose I could not try anything else as I reacted with Wellbutrin ( breathing issue). I have had fleeting suicidal thoughts before or thinking that I would be better off dead ( when in ++ pain) but reducing cymbalta increased suicidal thoughts were everyone was concerned and I did not give a shit anymore!!
I figured I had no friends and would dream about my funeral, that no one would come other than some co-workers, family and my husbands friends and co-workers. My CFS is acting up again so I sleep 4-8 hrs during the day, so its difficult to meet anyone, and many of my old friends and co- workers just don't understand. One friend wanted to know if I wanted her friends number to talk to her as this person had both CFS and FM yet could work full time, so why couldn't I. I was upset, not that I told her as I know she only had best intentions in mind, but Heck I have a hard enough time trying to figure out CFS and FM for myself as there are a lot of common symptoms but also some individualized.
I find I'm starting to push any 'old' friends away and even yelling at my hubby but not realizing that I am and pushing him away ' you don't understand' or ' I knew you would lose your patience with me' when he gets frustrated with my behavior or outbursts. But he is a saint and wonderful man, so I don't know why I feel the need to test him by pushing him away.
Overall, yes I regret not having more friends outside this forum, but honestly I was a nurse prior to this, and even I did not realize what fibromyalgia entailed physical, psychological and social welfare-being.
This my New Years resolution: to make 1 new friendship outside of this forum to connect in the physical world. But honestly, if it wasn't for you guys when I was in a really dark place you helped me whether you knew it or not. I still have a long way to go, to overcome my depression and anxiety but have found journaling and having the support of this group has helped me some.

I have a best friend who also has fibro. She is higher functioning than I am but she "gets" it. There are quire a few of us out there. Hey... why not put an ad in the local paper and host a fibromialgia support group?? I would be willing to wager that you'll get a huge response and your circle of friends will quickly become enlarged!!

@A MyFibroTeam Member Your giving very good advice. This is my regimen, it came about little by little. First, we are in pain whether we do something or not, right? So, on the weekend I do things with my family. Out for a meal, to a movie, for a drink, wine tasting, a musical festival. Never lasting for more than a few hours. Everyone knows that's my limit.
On Mondays I do nothing, I recuperate include having leftovers or order out for dinner if possible. Tues, Wens, Thurs are the only days I will take a Dr appt, I have many. And I only allow 2 per week. So it doesn't drain me. If they have to wait longer to see me, so be it. Has to be after 11 and before 3. Friends fall into those days as well. Fridays I rest, again so that I can spend time with family on weekend again. That's my baseline.
When I cook I make a lot, leftover are divided into meals for another time, and frozen. They come out on a bad day. Soups and stews are great for this. Laundry, I'll put a load into the washer, switch it over and time it so that they are done after my husband comes home. He folds and puts away. There's more but don't want to bore anyone.
I've forced myself to have a regimen as well. Attempt to get up and go to bed around the same time, then I feed the dog, meds/juice, coffee to recliner. When 1st cup is gone, I then decide on shower or not, wash, dress, hair, make bed. Then allow myself a 2nd cup of coffee and breakfast which is always yogurt and fruit. During this time is my computer time, friends on FB, are usually on and we have coffee together. Puts me in a better mood to see family pics, etc. some posts that are very funny, good for the soul. That's all I have for now.

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@A MyFibroTeam Member I can't remember if I answered this question before, so this may be a repeat. It is a really good question! I used to be involved in many different boards and committees within my community and region and a well-respected business owner to whom others came or called for information. When I began to recognize that I wasn't well, I had a choice of giving up some positions or all. I gave up all and focused strictly on running my biz. Throughout my involvement I met many people and had a social life with some of them outside of the biz end of things. I also had some friends in town with whom I'd have lunch once a week, we'd celebrate birthdays, we'd have bbq's and parties at each others' homes. When I had to separate myself from being active--and told people I was just not feeling well--no one seemed to care why I wasn't well. There was no follow-up--still isn't--and I am now invisible. If I run into someone when out and about--seldom--there is the 'let's do lunch' comment that never materializes. I am very lonely, but I am also very incapable of making commitments. I would appreciate a phone call asking how I am, thinking of you, do you need anything, etc. I have long-time friends out of state with whom I keep in touch via fb and email. I love them dearly and always will, but it's not the same. If it wasn't for my husband and my twin sister (she lives with us) who both have taken over running the business and caretaking me, I'd have no one. My kids live in other states and have struggles of their own. We talk, but I try not to burden them. They know I have FMS but don't ask much about it or understand it--except my daughter who also has some auto-immune illnesses--she is worse off than I am. Bottom line: I am so, so glad to have this community of people who share it, get it, care and support. I imagine we all feel this way to some extent or another. We are the same people, but our lives are not the same. I have progressed in accepting this and am trying to move on with an optimistic outlook that I have some 'in'abilities but they do not negate my abilities.

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