I'm sure so many of us struggle with guilt. For me it's always been a heavy weight on my shoulders every day. Kids are grown, so I can't say I'm taking anything away from the family, any longer.. that excuse has no merit.. but I still struggle with the guilt. My husband works so hard and drives an hour each way to work.. and I'm "toast" laying on my ice, I just feel the darkness of guilt!!!! So let's hear how you have overcome this part of this disorder???!!!????
There are two different types of guilt, realistic and unrealistic. Realistic guilt is guilt from something we have done or not done. For instance, I ate 15 bags of chocolate and I gained weight. Now, I feel guilty.
Unrealistic guilt is guilt for something you have or had no control over. For example, I feel guilty for no longer working. It is not my fault I got sick. I worked as long as it was possible for me.
I try to keep them in perspective and not accept unrealistic guilt. Easier said than done.
One of the courses on PainTrainer.org is replacing unhelpful thoughts with helpful ones. Rather than thinking, "Gosh, this pain will never end", you replace it with " This pain today is a doozy, but tomorrow will be better." So I wonder if we started telling ourselves something else when the guilt hits us, if it might work just the same? Maybe instead of saying, " I'm useless because I didn't clean house", might we try to focus on a positive thing we did like offering support to fellow Fibro warriors? Yesterday I "wasted" the entire afternoon answering replies to My Migraine Team and My Fibro Team because I'd fallen behind due to so many doctor and PT appointments. But rather than feel bad that I did that instead of cleaning, I should be proud that I put others ahead of cleaning my house. We certainly can't do it all. Even when we were healthy, we didn't get all done. I think we just need to rethink our self-talk, and ease up on the negative thinking.
Wow I thought that it was just me who felt this way . I often tell my husband that I feel like a burden. He tells me to stop it , that we help each other as needed we will be married 49 years on the 30 th. It’s very hard to accept that I can’t do things that I want. It’s this fatigue that is difficult. I wanted to bake yesterday and we needed to go to the store . I told my husband it’s either I bake or shop . I chose to go out and not stay in house . So no baking done . It’s always about a choice of useing what energy I have . But good news was I went into pet store to pick up my daughter and saw a kitten all alone as his sibs were already adopted. Brought him home and he’s my lap cat lol . This made me happy . Our other cat does not like to be held . We must stop feeling this guilt as we did not choose this illness . Hugs to all .
Is it Shame?
Guilt is when we have DONE something externally, like broken a plate,(or worse) this is easily remedied with an apology with no excuses.
Shame is when we FEEL we are wrong/faulty internally.
Either way, you have a good start by talking about it, so it is not a "secret" anymore.
Its our secrets n self-lies which compound our sickness.
Humour as each shameful memory is bought to light.
Shame likes hiding, dark places, it grows, whispers lies which we believe, then its goodbye self-esteem.
There's a lot of stuff about Shame Work, sometimes linked with Authentic Inner Child. The type that takes a year, not a whizz-by workshop.
If this is not you, please disregard.
If it resonates move towards a clearer head
With love n blessingsxx
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