Of course, when people are married they almost always want a sex life. As a counselor, I noticed that troubles arose when one partner felt like they weren't getting their needs fulfilled, usually from a spouse who was ill and/or overwhelmed. Finding a "new normal" in a sexual relationship takes a lot of patience, guidance, and love on both sides. Marital counselors can help couples (or even couples counselors) get through this. Depending on the state (US) or country, there are clinics that offer these services. I know that sometimes there can be waiting periods to be seen. I wonder if a book has been written about this very subject?

Absolutely! For my husband and I we have a very honest relationship. For a variety of reasons having sex is difficult. We talked about what position/positions are the best, what hurts, etc. open communication can do wonders for your marriage. I realized at one point that my husband appreciated cuddling, kissing, and less strenuous types on intimacy. There are others ways to strengthen your bond. Let him know how much you love him, how amazed and impressed with any activity that he does. Tell him how handsome he is. Even if you’re not, pay attention with enthusiasm to what ever information he shares with you. For example, my husband loves guitars. He is a very detailed person and when he wants to share with me I know how very important it is for me to listen, ooh and ahh, and ask questions so he knows I am listening. Male ego is terribly fragile and it needs to often be stroked and tended to. Hope this helps.

I came to the Q&A to see if it is just me who has no libido and now dislikes sex, but it seems there are may of us. It is painful in my vagina during and after, and then the pain from me having to take charge because my husband is too tall and overweight to be on top. Its pretty hard being the one in charge when all i want to do is curl up and sleep.

Yes it does cuz it hurts to do anything. My husband is understanding bout that tho. There are other ways to show someone you love them

Poppa, with this chronic illness there are so many aspects of our lives that it affects. I, probably like almost everyone here have wanted to throw in the towel a number of times. I’ve wanted to hundreds of times. What helps me know is to remind myself that a better day will come and will make me glad that I was here to experience it. I am so very sorry that you are feeling so helpless and alone. I’m praying that this site will offer you some relief and support. We are all in this together and there is strength in numbers. Just know that we are all pulling for you and will always be here for you.