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Guilty Feeling Because Spouse Needs To Now Be Caregiver And Do More In The House
A MyFibroTeam Member asked a question 💭

i feel so guilty and terrible that when my spouse comes home from work he has to pick up and now do chores that our son use to do (we are empty nesters now-as our youngest is at college)...I try to do what I can during the day/but there are days that are good and days that are bad....how do you just be ok with your new reality of living with fibro/chronic pain and being at peace knowing your spouse is carrying more than their share and bringing in the income? I use to work full time (3 yrs ago)… read more

posted September 14, 2018
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A MyFibroTeam Member

I am so sorry. You sound like someone who was willing and able to do a huge amount for your husband and children for many, many years. The changes your body demands now are cruel, especially as you finally enter the "empty nest" phase that you no doubt hoped would be carefree and fun.

May I offer a different perspective? My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in 2010. We had to sell our home and downsize. I needed to work full time and manage pretty much every detail of the household and, with some help from paid caregivers toward the end, I eventually also had to bathe, shave, diaper, dress, and feed him. Being a caregiver did take a lot out of me, but I never resented or regretted it. If I had been the one who became disabled, I am certain he would have graciously cared for me. We promised to stand by one another for better or worse and the "worse" of illness and impairment can happen to anyone. Even people who were always self-reliant and strong. I hope you'll believe your husband when he tells you he doesn't mind carrying a bigger load because you are worth it; I bet it's absolutely true. You are both doing your best in circumstances no one would have chosen. Release the guilt if you can...for both of your sakes.

God Speed...

posted September 14, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

When something catastrophic like disease enters our lives everything changes. It takes time to adjust to everything going on. Reading everyone's stories on this thread makes me realize what a well of strength everyone has. Not a single one of us asked for this disease. I am my mother's caregiver, but because of my disabilities we need outside help. I was guilty, too. But it was beyond my control, like everything else. And I think we need to realize that yes, so much really is out of our control, but we can thank the other person in our life instead of being guilty. Gratitude means so much. It lifts our spirits, but realize that we are all dealing with tough issues and they aren't going away. So downsize if you need to. Don't hold on to what you don't need. But take your time. Ask for help. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. Gosh, we all have them God bless you all. ❤

posted September 15, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

Knowing there are people out there feeling like me helps to reduce the guilt, I am constantly thanking my husband for doing the things that I always did, like the cooking.

posted September 15, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

I know exactly how you feel. I spent almost 5 years in a chair. I was in so much pain I couldn't stand, walk, bend my arms, etc. I was put on disability and couldn't work. They had no idea what was wrong with me and everyone in my house because a caregiver. After 15 years I was diagnosed this past year and with medication and steroids I am free of the chair but I am almost helpless. I get severe muscle cramps and sometimes my legs feel so weak that I'm afraid I will fall. My mother, my son, and my boyfriend have to do so much for me that sometimes I cry. I feel worthless. I know the guilt you feel I'm always saying I'm sorry. On good days I can walk without pain and maybe do a few minor things before I have to rest. On a bad day I can barely get up to go to the bathroom. I wish I could offer you advice but I'm in the same situation. Rhonda is right the only thing to do is to let go of the guilt. Everyday I try to tell myself that I'm getting better. Slowly everything will be better. You have to trust in that.

posted September 14, 2018
A MyFibroTeam Member

I feel bad for you and can understand how you feel. My husband has to do the majority of what I used to do. But thankfully we are both now retired. I had to retire two years early because I just couldn’t cope with the pain and working every day. We have to pay for health insurance and it’s expensive. Thankfully my husband is the greatest person for doing what he does every day and it sounds like your husband is that way too. After 43 years of marriage he never lets me down.

posted September 14, 2018

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